Gay Today, Gone Tomorrow

Gay Today, Gone Tomorrow
by Aaron Alper

"Best Creative Non-Fiction" for the Eckerd College Review, 2004

fad n. -A fashion that is taken up with great enthusiasm for a brief period of time; a craze.

Fads are a strange thing. Where do they come from? It seems like society goes about its day to day business and then, all of a sudden, the craze is here and you’re dancing to “The Macarena.” While fads are fun (anyone remember Day Glo?), they fade incredibly fast, and just as soon as they were the most fabulous thing in the world, they leave without a trace, and are usually embarrassing to mention. Often, the disappearance of a fad is not something that would affect someone personally, as they are never truly representative of culture, and unless you have a fetish for bell-bottoms or lava lamps, you’re individual existence is not going to be damaged.

While fads are totally unpredictable, one of the biggest fads today is something that I, for the life of me, would never had expected: Apparently, as of this moment, it is very cool to be gay. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that the human race will die out because everyone has gone queer, I mean that homosexuality is more fashionable now then it ever has been in America. Since the debut of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy last year, homosexuality has garnered a certain fad appeal. Aside from the Fab 5, there is the sudden rush of popular interest in the Gay Marriage Initiative, which is successfully fighting against Bush’s Defense Against Marriage Act. NBC’s Will & Grace, a funny, quasi-realistic show about a women and her gay best friend, is climbing the ratings chart. Ads for Queer as Folk and The L Word, high profile dramas that focus on the lives of gay and lesbian characters, are everywhere, and Maxim Blender, a music magazine targeted toward young, heterosexual men, declared “male on male action is the new girl on girl action”. Even gay celebrities have noted this sudden rush of popularity, with Queer Eye’s Carson Kessley saying “gay is the new black” meaning that "gay" has quickly become the next biggest thing; unfortunately, whenever something is dubbed the “new black”, that is inevitable death sentence, as it will ultimately find itself quickly replaced by it’s classic and more traditional predecessor. And let’s not forget the metrosexuals.

Metrosexual n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

Lead by fashionably poignant pioneers like soccer superstar David Beckham, metrosexuality has consumed popular culture. By literally adopting traditional popular gay fashion, marked by meticulous grooming and impeccable attire, the metrosexual movement provides yet another example of popular society growing to accept gay culture. As a gay man, I don’t want to complain about the whole situation. The more homosexuality is discussed, the less scared people will be of it. Still, while the media is embracing homosexuality, what is this gay fad doing to the individual gay person and more importantly, how should gay men and women feel about our lives and reality being viewed as a fad?

There are many women and men like me who don’t embrace homosexuality because it’s fashionable, but rather because we are attracted to people of the same sex. When I came out of the closet last year, while being liberated, my coolness factor did not rise. I was (and am) the same eccentric, awkward, vulgar person I always was. Still, in publicly admitting that I was attracted to men, I really wanted to find one. Honing in on my gaydar, I figured if I wanted to find gay guys in a crowd, I should use the old reliable: look for a well dressed, flamboyant guy with immaculate grooming. I realize this is a stereotype, but stereotypes do exist for a reason, and with that mentality I began my man hunt.

Then, all of a sudden, they’re metrosexuals. When did that happen? I realize this isn’t the worst scenario, as previous generations of gay men had much more personal, societal, and religious constraints, but at least they lived in a time where if a guy looked gay, he probably was. They didn’t have to deal with metrosexuals, and nothing is more infuriating than walking up to a guy, with a finely pressed shirt, no body hair, and highlights, garner the chutzpah to flirt with him, only to hear him decree, “Oh sorry dude, you got the wrong idea. I’m not gay, I’m metro.”

This is not the only time that the gay fad has imposed itself on me in its own interesting and annoying way. Fads seem to affect young people more than anyone else, and since I am young, I’m in the eye of the storm. As this gay fad has gotten larger, it’s got people questioning things, or more specifically, it’s got a lot of young people questioning their sexuality. That in itself is not terribly detrimental; it’s good to question yourself and who you are (if I hadn’t done it, I would probably never have come out).Yet, if self-questioning is steering someone in the wrong direction (i.e. a straight man sleeping with a gay man for experimentation), that is a bad thing.

I’ve noticed this happening a lot lately. In the past year that I have been out, I have been romantically involved with four men, and only one of them was openly gay. This would be fine if these men were just simply in the closet, but now that I look back on the situations, I realized I was lying to myself. They were never in the closet; they were just drunk, and I was desperate. You may ask, is my point really valid? Is this real, or am I being paranoid. Is this fad actually affecting my social life? My answer is yes. I understand that young people are notoriously prone to experimentation, and these incidents are not isolated to my generation. Ultimately, I feel imposed upon.

Fag Hag n. -A heterosexual women prone to surround herself with gay men.

For every Elton John there is a Bette Midler, and any gay community, large or small, needs a fag hag. Fag hags are the yin to a fag’s yang. In the recent past the term fag hag was an insult, describing an overweight and insecure girl who, without the presence of gay men, would have no interaction with men at all. These days, with the help of Will& Grace’s female lead Deborah Messing, a fag hag can be just as beautiful and successful as any woman, while sharing an intimate connection with gay men. As wonderful as a fag hag can be to a gay man, the relationship can never be forced, and like men, women are embracing the fad as well. Another example, at yet another party: I was chatting with an acquaintance. She was kind of hitting on me, so I decided to let the cat out of the bag in order to halt any embarrassment. Upon finding out I was gay, she squealed with delight, “Really?! I had no idea. That’s so cool,” and after a few moments of discussion she continued with, “You know, I’ve always wanted a gay friend. Hey, you can be Will and I can be Grace.” This isn’t funny to me. I know she was joking, and it wasn’t necessarily an insult, but I can’t help but find myself worried. I am not Will. I do not have a great body, a high profile job as a lawyer, not all of my male friends are flamboyantly homosexual, and I do not befriend women who see gay men as a novelty item. The fag hags in my life were my friends before they earned that title, and they would be my friends without it.

It is fairly apparent to me that, as of right now, people are very interested in homosexuality, which brings me to my point: if this sudden societal fascination with homosexuality is a indeed a fad, what will happen when this fad passes? What will happen when Queer Eye for the Straight Guy becomes passé, when metrosexual goes from being a compliment to an insult, or if The L Word becomes the L word again? While these questions are a bit overly paranoid, my true worry is if this is all just a fad, then it will do what fads inevitably do: pass. I don’t like the idea of something that I am possibly becoming passe. If this fad passes, gay people will still be gay. What is happening today could be a possible blessing. There is still a chance that America could be undergoing a remarkable shift in the tides, and things could finally be getting better. This seems on its face to be a step toward greater tolerance, empathy, and human understanding, but it may well be that there's more going on here than initially meets the eye, queer or otherwise (Kanner). Then again, if society is not moving forward, it is our responsibility as gay men and women to speak up. Not only should we divorce ourselves from this circus, but we should make it clear that being gay is a real thing. It took us years to get where we are and we should fight to maintain our validity. In short, we’re not “The Macarena,” and not all of us have keen fashion sense. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re not a fad.

Works Cited:

Kanner, Melinda. “Questions for Queer Eye.” Gay and Lesbian Review 11.2 (2004): 35-7. May 2nd, 2004.

Maxim Blender. 2004. Maxim Blender Online. 9 April 2004-05-